Friday Viral Email News Dump: Headlines in 2059

NEWS FROM THE YEAR 2059:

Ozone created by electriccars now killing millions in
the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,  
formerly known as California .


White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally!  Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off;  physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being
taken over by Jamaica.  No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!


Last Castro finally dies at age 112.  Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


Average weight of Americans drops to
250 lbs.


85-year $75.8 billion study:  Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.


Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.


Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony
.  They had simultaneous headaches.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5
illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Floruba voters still having trouble with
voting machines.

Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what…NOTHING will happen.  No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or be very
, very scared.

I Love This Country
It’s The Government That Scares Me!

        Guns have two enemies; Rust and Politicians.

=

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Oh Dear Lawd, I Hate Breaking in a New Laptop, hate, hate, hatey …..

I know how Obama feels now /snork.

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The Artist is Present, or Something ?

In 2010, I stumbled into the Museum of Modern Art in NYC, and ran into Ms. Abramovic’s exhibit, not on this day, with her former LUVAH, which was intentional performance art or not? Great camera work, and TEARS.

First the video:

Now, about the artist…great backstory on the video and ULAY. Wonder what happened to him?

Marina Abramovic and stuff from The Guardian, UK.

Sigh. So what’s the fuss about Draw Mohammed ?

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I Found “Hillary’s” Campaign Theme Song !

Not quite thinking about tomorrow, but a lovely ode to a re-run.  I love Broadway and back stories, here’s a press junket preview of a Rock of Ages’ rehearsal.  I chose this over the slick 2009 Tony Award performance, because, you know, it’s just about us in the raw, not quite refined, because Hills is like US ;)

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I’ve Decided to Run for the 2016 Democratic Nomination for President, aka, How Hard Could it Be?

No, seriously.  After a chuckle or ten about the Rent’s Too Damn High guy, who actually got votes in 2012, I thought, well, WTF, I’m as qualified as he is ….and Hillary, aka, HRod.  Though I did leave the Dems in ’08, no offense, the Dems threw Hillary into that glass ceiling that made all those cracks.

Here are my qualifications, I’m serious, still, you elected Obama, gah!

I can be a #WINNING candidate too….

1. I’m Hillary’s age, fer crissakes, Vote for GRANDMA you ageist Republican/TeaBaggers !

2. I’m a Mom (3 kids, one of each), oh yeah, I have a special* one too. *Wraps up the SSI and other entitlement supporters. Got a problem with that, fine, I’ll send Special Greg to you to raise.  He’s 42 and still wets the bed, sigh.

3. 3 Grandkids, 2 more than Granny Hill, and one’s an Hispanic mix (I got Florida and New York, maybe L.A.?)  She’s only 4, not sure if she’s in a gang yet?  Give her time, she’s only in a Brooklyn pre-school.  The other two are elites, they’re only 12, but hey, can grab some Wall Street/OWS votes, eh?

4. I’m straight, love my gays, as long as they don’t make me “marry” them.  Abortion?  I spit out my own 3, including Special Greg, but he was an October Surprise long before Abortion became a sport.  Also, his “condition” is still not diagnosed in the Gosnell clinics to this day.  Oh wait, thank goodness, what a loss that would have been to me.

5.  Foreign Policy?  Spent my entire life as a military dependent, my i.d. card has never expired. Great Uncles, Civil War and beyond,  Grandpa was a Doughboy in WW1, Dad, Mom, WW2, Dad went on to Korea and Vietnam, stupid me, married a Vietnam veteran, between his tours in ’69, then came the Middle East…gah.  I think my foreign policy is better than Hilly’s…..ya’think ?

6.  Read Hillary’s “Living History”.  Not the Carly Fiorina rip off “Hard Choices”.  As a Fellow Senior-ita, like Hills, enjoyed the ride from the  40’s til Bill.

7.  Unlike Hills, I dropped out of college to become a Capitol Hill staffer.  Got hired by a lovely man, a freshman Rep from Illinois while I was in the House Employment office looking to “volunteer” in the Capitol’s Cafeteria, bussing tables, doing dishes, mopping floors.  True story, I was in school down the street, just wanted to be part of the “government”, at 18, I copped a job that paid more than my friends’ starting salaries as school teachers 4 years later.

8. I worked my ass off for another 5 years in the trenches of Gov jobs, working/dating losers (unlike Hillary, bless her heart, she had no clue in the late 60’s, grabbed the lovable nerd, Bill. #Winning.)  I worked harder and smarter, grabbed a war hero.

9. Where am I?  Oh yeah, 1969, and never looked back.

10. My VP Choice is Cripes Suze. My Press Sec, Keith Koffler. My Golf partner, wait, I don’t play golf, is myiq. I’ll keep my husband in my Virginia Beach home and I’ll spend every freaking vacay between VB and Camp David.

11. Vote for Me, Me, Me. !

12.  Thank you for your vote, I won’t let you down :D

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Ben Carson: My *Dream* Mayor of Detroit

First, read his book “One Nation” order here.

Now watch his intro announcing his candidacy for running for President in 2016….

Did you get it ? If not, here’s the skinny on Detroit via Eminem…
“…you got just one shot,one opportunity” ;) From the movie, 8 Mile.

…and the trailer…

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Even being an Accidental Hero takes hard work and perseverance

This is not just another post Super Bowl XLIX blah-blah-blah, crappy commercials and halftime show aside, this should be the biggest story from the game, Malcolm Butler, especially in the year of Ferguson riots and #HandsUpDontShoot mentalities on the streets.

From the Washington Post

Butler, 24, had completed an inconceivable path from batter cook to Division II standout to undrafted rookie to Super Bowl hero. Sunday night, Butler sealed the Patriots’ 28-24 victory over the Seattle Seahawks with an interception at the goal line with 20 seconds remaining, both the deciding play of a classic Super Bowl and the culmination of Butler’s self-made ascension.

It’s a very inspiring backstory about this young man, share it with the young people in your life, whatever their color or gender, Mr. Butler is an inspiration for them. He was for me :)

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