Iowahawk: CSI-Tucson

As only Iowahawk can. Too soon? Though judging by the tone of the Obama-Memorial-Pep-Rally, it’s now okay to laugh 🙂 Here’s the cold opening……

CSI: Tucson
Fade in. Chaotic supermarket parking lot, strewn with bodies in aftermath of shooting spree. Amid lights and sirens, a bearded man in black windbreaker and sunglasses ducks under the yellow police tape.

COUNTY DEPUTY
Sir — sir! Please remain behind the cordon. This is an active crime scene investigation.

KRUGMAN (flashes New York Times OpEd badge)
I know. Krugman, CSI. This is my partner Lt. Matthews.

MATTHEWS
Who’s in charge here? And where are the donuts?

DEPUTY
He’s over there sir — Sheriff Dupnik. He’s in charge of the donuts, too.

Krugman and Matthews cross the parking lot, deftly stepping over sheet-covered corpses

DUPNIK
Krugman. Matthews. I was wondering when you two would get here. We’ve already booked a perp. Cruller?

MATTHEWS
No thanks, I’ll take those two bear claws though.

KRUGMAN
What do you got with white icing? And what do you got on the perp?

DUPNIK
White male, 22, close cropped hair. Goes by the name of ‘Lucidfer Matrix Dreambrain.’ Another typical college Republican.

CSI DETECTIVE MARKOS “KOS” MOULITSAS
Captain! Captain Krugman! I think you should see this.

On the asphalt outside supermarket, the CSI squad gathers around a spilled bag of groceries outlined in chalk.

KRUGMAN
Good work rookie. Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Crouching down, Krugman picks up a box of Lipton tea bags with the tip of his pencil.

KRUGMAN (whipping off sunglasses)
If I know my demand curves, I’d say our young Republican wasn’t acting alone.

Cue opening credit sequence

…read the rest here.

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