Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyhow, or…..

Breaking Medical News !

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain… GOOD!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO… Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.

VIA my sanity connections at iOwnTheWorrrrrrrrrld and Doug Ross

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10 Comments

Filed under Feeling Groovy, Shiny Objects

10 responses to “Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyhow, or…..

  1. bob

    Best advice I’ve gotten all week!! Pass the chocolate please….

  2. It might be that cardiovascular exercise slows down the heart rate enough when resting to more than offset the increased heart rate when exercising. So the same number of heart beats gets extended over a longer period of time than not exercising at all.

  3. SWimming.. a whale..that’s funny!!
    Chocolate is definitely good for you. I sneak in a tub of Breyers no-sugar-added 1/2 fat triple chocolate and hide it behind the 6 year old salmon filets. No one will ever find my chocolate.

    • I hope your 6 year old salmon filets are cheaper than mine. My husband caught ours on his Manly-Man Fishing Trip to Alaska a few years ago. Trip expenses = oh, about $600 pound 😛 And I wouldn’t put my ice cream anywhere near them now.

  4. My favorite tshirt from the 80s had this message on it:
    Physically Pfffft
    I embraced that message.

    • Actually, the title for this post was inspired by a refrigerator magnet. This, or my other favorite maggie: Thou Shalt Not Weigh More Than the Refrigerator 😉 I may use that one for a Michelle post in the future, heh.

      • bob

        My refrigerator magnet says “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.” My son gave it to me — think he’s trying to tell me something?? I have another one that says “I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning, just not as it applies to me.”