Category Archives: ViralEmailFun

Sometimes it works :)

Bazinga! Gun Show Sign O’The Times.

“If You Voted for Obama, We Don’t Want Your Business, You’re Too Damn Stupid to Own Firearms”

gunshow2

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Democratic National Convention Schedule Leaked

Obama rehearsing his acceptance speech.

Democratic National Convention Schedule

4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM – Singing of “God Damn America” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama

4:15 PM – Ceremonial ‘I hate America ‘ led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM – Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire – Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM –Al Sharpton Leads Castrati Choir in Singing “Great Balls of Fire”

5:00 PM – UFO Abduction Survival – Joe Biden
5:30 PM – Eliot Spitzer Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite
5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States

6:00 PM – Joe Biden Delivers 100,000-Word Speech Featuring 23-Minute Question and 2-Hour Answer
8:30 PM – Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM – Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama Girl

9:15 PM – Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo – Michael Moore
9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar – Charlie Rangle
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners

10:30 PM – Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ , & Afghanistan
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium
/Tire Gauge Demonstration
11:15 PM – Free Gov. Blagovitch rally

11:30 PM – Obama Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM – Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fishes – Obama Presiding
12:00 AM – Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher

12:01 AM – Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM – Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM – Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech

Note: There is one omission in the list above — Memorial recognition of Obama’s surrogate son, Trayvon, will be in conjunction with the 12:05 AM event.

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If Only ?

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Happy Easter, Welcome Spring !

From my friend Nancy in Florida…..

All I need to know

I learned from the Easter Bunny!

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There’s no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off of other people’s jelly beans.
Good things come in small, sugar coated packages.
The grass is always greener in someone else’s basket.
To show your true colors, you have to come out of the shell.

The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

May the joy of the season fill your heart.

AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

Happy Easter!

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Viral Email: A Southerner Moves North

A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH…caution: spicy language 🙂

JAN 10 5:00 PM. It’s starting to snow. The first snow of the season and

the first one we’ve seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered

rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down,

clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!

Jan 11 We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white covering the

landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a

beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and

loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city

snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with

compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved

back and shoveled it again.

Jan 12 It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has

dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs

snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again.

Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of

the snow is now brownish-gray.

Jan 13 Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon

became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both

cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but

nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

Jan 14 Still cold. Sold the wife’s car and bought a 4×4 in order to get

to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway, and did considerable amounts of

damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white shit

last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in

store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

Jan 15 2 degrees outside. More fuckin’ snow. Not a tree or shrub on our

property that hasn’t been damaged. Power was off most of the night.

Tried to keep from freezing to death with candies and a kerosene heater,

which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the

flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my

eyelashes and eyebrows. 4×4 slid on the ice on the way to the

emergency-room and was totaled.

Jan 16 Goddamn mother fuckin’ white shit keeps coming down. Have to put

all the clothes on we own just to get to the fuckin’ mailbox. If I ever

catch that son-of-a-bitch that drives the snowplow I’ll chew open his

chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits

to plow shut our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part

of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan 17 Six goddamn more fuckin’ inches of fuckin’ snow and fuckin’

sleet, fuckin’ ice and goddamn knows what other kind of white fuckin’

shit fell last night. I wounded the fuckin’ snowplow asshole with an ice

axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won’t start. I think I’m going

snowblind. I can’t move my toes. Haven’t seen the sun in weeks. More

snow predicted. Wind Chill -22 fuckin’ degrees. I’m moving back to

Florida!

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