Tag Archives: satire

After Waterboarding, Mancow Submits to 9/11-Style Attack


From the “fairly unbalanced”, but always entertaining, ScrappleFace:

After Waterboard, Mancow Submits to 9/11-Style Attack
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace

(2009-05-23) — After submitting himself to waterboarding, then calling it ‘absolutely torture’, WLS talkradio host Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller announced that next week on his show he’ll stand by a shattered window in a burning office tower and decide whether to jump or to perish in the flames.

Like the waterboarding experiment, the simulated 9/11 attack will occur under controlled circumstances, with firefighters and paramedics standing by to rescue him once he makes the choice of death by inferno or death by sidewalk impact.

“I just want to find out if being trapped in a burning skyscraper is as bad as that horrible waterboarding was,” said Mancow. “It’s hard to imagine anything worse than waterboarding. I’m pretty confident that I can withstand the searing heat of jet fuel combustion as I cling to a window frame 900 feet above the street.”

The radio personality told his listeners that after several seconds of waterboard torture he would “confess to anything.”

An unnamed spokesman for the CIA said he’s glad to hear that, “especially if Mr. Mancow were a known terrorist and would confess to his plans to attack civilians in other American cities — plans that we could then interrupt, preventing the death of thousands of people.”


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